She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
