Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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