i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
