PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
