i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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