Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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