God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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