Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
