Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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