my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
