here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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