You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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