god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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