She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize