the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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