First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
