i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
