Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
