he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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