I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize