he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
