if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
