Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
