Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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