Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
