Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
