I got chris browned last night
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Pants are for mortals
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
