uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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