she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
