I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
