You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize