Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
