If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
