i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
