So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
