Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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