My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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