we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
