I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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