I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
