why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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