Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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