1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
