Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Randomize
