This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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