To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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