dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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