my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize