hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
