I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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