I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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