Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
