He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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