When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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