is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
