I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He? As in you personified your dick?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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