You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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