He is an equal opportunity slut.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
