Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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