I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
