And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
