like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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