so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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