Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
